My new best friend

[Purple_Power]

A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. one of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him.

"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?"

Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend."

He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.

"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"

The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"

[Purple_Power]

And another one about best friends...

An old fella was sitting at the bar. A dog was sitting on the ground next to him. A man walked up and said "Does your dog bite?". The old man replied "Nup". So the man bent down to pat the dog. The dog went ballistic, and tore half of the man's arm off. As he was waiting for the ambulance, the man said "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite?!?!". The old man said "That's not my dog".

[Red_Ice]

hehehe funny chequers

[Tigerv8]

Similar thing happened to my brother-in-law about 12 years ago. He was having a break from his grade tennis comp and sitting on a seat near where cars were parked in the street.
An angry looking bloke came out of a house nearby and said, "Hey, mate, is that your f****** car?"
Bro says"What if it is?"
Bloke: "Well move it. Its in the way and I don't want it there."
Bro: "No, I'm not moving the car."
Bloke: "I said move the car now or you'll be sorry."
Bro: "I told you I'm not moving the car."
At this point, bloke disappears into his house and returns shortly with a crowbar. Bro decides to avoid violence as bloke approaches and moves away.
Bloke:"Are you gonna move that car now?"
Bro: "No. You can threaten all you like , I'm not moving that car."
Bloke" All right , you were warned." And bloke proceeds to smash the headlights with the crowbar.
Bro: "Knock yourself out, mate. That's not my car.!"
Stunned look on bloke was priceless.:doh:

I believe a vandalism report was made to police shortly thereafter.